Journal

three days to last quarter
october 6, 2001 ~ 3:22 p.m.

It's been kind of unnerving that practically everyone else here already has a major. I have no clue what I want to do when I'm out of college, any job I think of that's related to my interests seems like I'll get bored of or not want to do all the time. There's nothing I can imagine that would be captivating enough for me to really enjoy. When I was in junior high and high school, I got into this habit of just looking forward to the end of the day, the weekend, the next vacation, the end of the year. I couldn't stand it otherwise, it was too boring or stressful, I had to concentrate on when it would be over. The same thing happened last year during my year off, when I was working, where I couldn't stand just working, I had to look forward to when it would be over for the day or the week. My biggest fear is that I'll never find a job where I don't do that. I want a job that I can just enjoy, that will be fun and interesting enough that I don't have to look forward to when it's over. But I just can't imagine any job out there like that.

So far, in working on my four-year plan, I've been assuming that I'll be a Biology major because that seems like the best choice right now. But I really don't like Biology at all. I mean, I love the side of it that's about evolution and ecosystems and species and populations, but I can't stand the side that's about cells and molecules and all that. It's so boring, and I know it's important to understand the larger picture, the part I do like, but I just hate it. If I was a bio major, that's what I'd basically being doing for the next four years, and I really don't want to do that. So the last few weeks I've been kind of nervous about the whole thing, especially since I'm not doing too well in my bio class right now. But last night I was talking to an upperclassman about it and she suggested that I do Natural Resources instead, and I started researching it and figuring out what classes I'd have to take and all that, and it really does sound like a much better choice. Who knows, I'll probably change my mind again before I get out of here, but right now this is what I want to do. There are probably some really cool jobs out there I could do with a Natural Resources major.

Aside from my problems in my bio class, and college writing too, things have been going pretty well. My history class is really easy and interesting, and even though it's basically the same as my ninth grade one, I have such a different perspective on anthropology and history and society than I did back then that it's really very different. Art class has basically been cut and paste with construction paper so far, but yesterday we started painting with acrylics which will be so much fun. I love painting, I just don't do it enough. The last real painting I did was the one of Chimney Rock in 11th grade, and I think I could be really good at it with a little practice. I just hate dealing with the paints and all. Drawing is so easy, it's just a piece of paper and a pencil. Of course, the product is usually much more effective with painting than drawing, in my opinion.

I think my main fear for this year was making friends because it's not something I'm particularly good at, but I've made some friends and I've been having a lot of fun. Last night I baked cookies with some people from the GLBT alliance to sell (we seriously need some cash, our bank account currently has 14 cents in it) and then me and K went to the Black Cat (a café with lots of organic and vegan food) to get some food, and then we went to a party and I got so fucking high, it was so much fun.

Work is boring but at least I'm making money, and it's not as bad as some peoples' jobs here. I'll also be learning dreamweaver, which is awesome, because there's so much that you can't do with just HTML. I've been going to the GLBT alliance meetings every week and I also signed up for the Earth Skills club, but apparently they haven't done anything yet. I was kind of worried about finding all the food I need here, but the co-op has pretty much everything I need, even the same kind of soymilk and cereal I used to eat, and plenty of hummus, which I've been eating way to much of.

My room mate got a single, so she asked me to move out, which I did (I understand, it's the same room she had last year, it's home to her). So as of right now I'm also in a single, but Res Life is working on figuring out all the people on the consolidation list so I will probably end up with a new room mate. I really hope I can get along with her. But since there's an uneven number of girls on the list for my dorm, one of us will probably end up without a room mate, and it might be me. Of course, then I'll have to get myself a fridge and a microwave, but that will be worth it to have my own room.

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